I have to admit, this post has been exceptionally difficult to write. When I started blogging about my recovery from the fall I experienced last October, I thought I could keep things fairly upbeat and positive. You know, like me.

But after six or seven months of rigorous physical therapy, dealing with pain, allowing my body to heal, and then going a long-awaited vacation to Thailand and Singapore, I came home to a stark realization.

I was depressed.

Maybe it was that “after vacation letdown” that some people experience after they finally take that trip they’ve dreamed about for a lifetime. (In fact, nearly 1 in 5 travelers experience a short depression after they return from vacation.)

Maybe it was the fact that my wife and I both came down with a cold after 30+ hours of travel back (too much time in airports and the desert air in Qatar may have contributed to that – but at least it wasn’t Camel Flu).

All I know is that I was overwhelmed. Completely burned out.

Call me “Extra Crispy” …

For the first time in a long time (since my father’s passing in 1992, actually), I was experiencing a near-constant feeling of dread and insufficiency. I would sit and stare off into space for who knows how long only to snap out of it and feel even worse for wasting away so much time.

It’s times like these that make working for yourself – from a quiet corner of your home – even more isolating and crushing.

I didn’t know how to explain it to people. I couldn’t find the words. And for a guy who writes for a living, the inability to express how I feel or what I see is frightening.

Could it be the largest obstacle to my recovery might be between my ears?

The short answer to that question is, “yes.” But it’s the longer answer to that question that I found to be most interesting.

There’s more to breaking bones than breaking bones

It turns out that physical trauma – either accidental or on purpose – changes you. All of you. Not just the physical part, but also the emotional, intellectual, and in some cases, spiritual parts, too. Looking back on the posts I’ve made about my “trail back” hints at those changes (and I’ll probably dive deeper into them as time goes on). But in this post, I want to share what I’ve learned about my own mental health and how it’s affected by my physical well-being (and vice versa).

In my case, I’m pretty sure my accident was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” and once the exciting distraction of my first vacation in nearly a decade had passed, I found myself overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and indecisiveness. I was swinging wildly from anger to malaise to anxiety and a whole host of emotions and then back again.

It was very hard for me to concentrate on anything, let alone my PT.

I eventually came to the realization that my physical trauma had brought some friends to my “recovery party.” The injury to my body manifested itself in a number of ways beyond the broken bones and pain.

I was in trouble and knew it, but it was very difficult to explain or talk about. For a person who writes for a living, that’s just all the more confounding.

I knew something was wrong. I’m usually an optimistic person. But my emotions were spiraling in a way I hadn’t experienced before. In fact, I was depressed.

Fortunately, I had a previously scheduled check up with my general practice doctor and so I brought the problem to him. He referred me to a counselor who, over time, has helped guide me on the recovery between my ears and put words to the pain and confusion I’ve experienced while Kathryn has continued to work on my physical rehabilitation.

Understanding the connection between mental and physical health

As it turns out, depression is more than just “feeling blue” and it can be brought on by trauma – either emotional or physical. In my case, I’m fairly certain that the sudden change in my body’s condition helped set the stage for depression to take hold of me.

What happened to me is not all that unusual. Studies show that as many as 33% of people who suffer a traumatic injury experience major depression or PTSD within 90 days of their injury.

And seeking help for the depression from outside is definitely the right thing to do.

This isn’t something to try and work out on your own. In fact, if you’re experiencing depression, anxiety, PTSD or other manifestations of mental distress after an injury (or surgery), you need to get help to address it. Your mental health definitely affects your recovery in both the immediate and long-term.

What changes over time

Once you think about it, it makes sense. There’s a clear connection between trauma brought on by events that are outside of your control and how you handle that stress psychologically. No two people handle those circumstances the same way.

And when that trauma is the result of a physical event, like falling off a ladder or having surgery, your body is going to do what it can to heal and protect itself from experiencing that trauma again.

Your body chemistry changes to facilitate the healing process. And sometimes, those changes come with unexpected consequences.

I talked to Kathryn Ellsworth, my physical therapist, about this to see what she thought.

In my case, the depression I faced, while emotionally distressing, Wasn’t so severe that I faced life-or-death decisions like others might. But as one who describes himself as “happy-go-lucky, “ it was upsetting to find myself to be so irritable and, at times, inconsolable.

Kathryn told me that physical therapists aren’t necessarily trained to look for signs of depression in the patients they treat; she is accustomed to seeing patients dealing with stress outside of the physical restrictions and limitations that they’re experiencing during therapy.

Therapy – both for your body and your psychological well-being – is the tool I’ve used to address the limitations I’ve faced as a result of my accident. But success in therapy comes in little (sometimes undistinguishable) steps.

The fact is, when you’re in therapy, you’re physically not able to do the things you used to do (or the things you think you should be able to do). And no matter how hard you try, the going is slow, and there are setbacks you have to overcome.

But it’s the small steps you make toward your eventual goal that matters. Celebrating small victories along the way provides positive reinforcement that, over time, can make that big goal an achievable one.

I heard the same thing from the mental health counselor I’ve been working with for the past four months.

And it’s paying off. Slowly.

Sometimes, you wonder if you’ll ever get past them at all.

Clearly, there’s a mind–body connection that is worth understanding. I’d highly recommend anyone who has to go through physical therapy improve their understanding of how physical limitations from an injury can affect your demeanor and the way you see the world.

I don’t like being depressed. I’m used to seeing my glass as always being half full. But for once, that wasn’t going to be enough. Thank goodness I have a team of people like Kathryn, my doctors and counselors, and a strong network of family and friends to support me.

It’s good to know you have a team to fall back on during recovery. A team who is there to help pick yourself up and get back on the trail to the things that matter most.

I’ve recently returned from a 2-1/2 week vacation to Singapore and Thailand. It was the trip of a lifetime. But frankly, I’m exhausted.

Even when you intentionally “get away from it all” you don’t get away from it ALL.

My wife, Caroline, and I have been looking forward to this trip for some months as planning had actually begun during the summer of 2022. And here’s a fun fact: planning your vacation in advance can actually be good for your health. (Don’t believe me, fine. But don’t disagree with the folks at National Geographic … that’s bad karma.)

We took the time to confirm the details of our trip with our second-oldest son and his wife when I visited them in Almaty, Kazakhstan this last September. You see, Tim teaches third graders at an English-language school there and our trip coincided with his school’s spring break.

Vacation bonus: Tim and his family (including our two little grandsons) were able to join us in Thailand the second week of our trip.

The best laid plans … youch!

Then I had my little accident in October. But Caroline and I were not about to let a shattered scapula and broken ribs derail our vacation plans. In fact, Caroline asked my orthopedist (ORA Orthopedic’s Dr. Myles Luszczyk) if I’d still be able to go on our trip in March. He said that if I was serious about my therapy and recovery, he didn’t see why not.

Sometimes making the intra-airport transition from one gate to another can be a little hard on the shoulder.

Caroline assured him I would be.

Even after several months of therapy, I still had some concerns about the amount of time I would be spending on airplanes and in airports during our travel to and home from Asia. International travel can be a real drag and toting baggage from plane to bus to cab can be physically stressful, even for the non-injured.

Of course, I was careful to discuss those concerns with my “team” including my general practice physician, my main contact at ORA (John Tryon, PA), and my therapist, Kathryn Ellsworth.

Together, we came up with a strategy for managing my shoulder injury, plans for recovery, and any other health-related issues to take into consideration considering the distance and change in environment.

A successful trip abroad depends on planning.

Over the years, I’ve found that tourists and travel planners usually fall into one of two categories: there are those who like to take their time and really investigate a destination, and then there are those who want to go-go-go from location to location in order to make sure nothing gets missed. I am definitely the former. My wife is definitely the latter. 

It makes for an interesting “travel dynamic.”

To accommodate our different “styles” I’ve decided to share some of the things I learned about the places we visited on our trip in a new, “destination investigation“ section of my blog. If you’re thinking of going to Singapore or Thailand, at some point in the future, you might want to check it out. Look for those posts starting in May.

We wound up making a compromise: We’d go-go-go the first ten days of vacation. That included getting up early, eating on the run, going on lots of guided tours, and taking lots (and lots) of pictures. But once we reached the sandy beaches of Phuket, Thailand, where we would be joined by Tim, Sarah, Oliver and Elliott, we’d slow down the pace a bit.

That sounded like a winning deal to me and Caroline agreed.

But I had other plans to make … with a little help from my therapist

Before we left for Asia, I had to make sure I spent some time planning out my PT routine for the three weeks I’d be out of town. The last thing I wanted to do was backslide on my progress.

Kathryn Ellsworth, ORA Physical Therapy

So I met with my physical therapist from ORA Physical Therapy, Kathryn Ellsworth. Her background in PT and time spent in the workplace as a therapist gave her some great experience to draw from as she worked out a realistic and achievable PT program I could maintain on the road.

Of course, I had to break the bad news to her that she would not be able to join us on our trip, but she got over it. Instead, she walked right over to the weight machines and wheeled out a device that contained reels of rubber bands and tubes.

Her recommended PT program was pretty straightforward. Kathryn was able to focus my therapy-on-the-go around building strength in my shoulder and injured joint. The strategy developed jointly between the surgical/medical team and my therapist was pretty straight-forward: try to build strength in the joint and see if we could stabilize the injured shoulder so surgery wouldn’t be needed.

I needed an exercise routine I could travel with me and equipment that would fit inside my suitcase and not exceed the limitations from Airlines. So that meant traveling with ORA’s weight machines was out.

It’s okay, I was with the bands …

My bands of many colors

The solution to my exercise dilemma came in the form of rubber bands. Kathryn was quick to provide me with, a virtual rainbow of exercise equipment. Each band was a different color which indicated the relative resistance of each band.

She also gave me five exercises to do using the resistance bands which were designed to help build up strength in my shoulder over time.

Kathryn also reminded me that I needed to do plenty of walking. I assured her that my go-go-go travel partner would make sure “getting steps in” wouldn’t be a problem. And there was no way I was going to tell Caroline she needed to make sure we did plenty of walking or, you know, I’d be walking back from Thailand right now.

I offered that I planned on doing lots of swimming – either in the pools at our hotels or on the beach. I figured that would be easy, since one full week was going to be spent in Phuket.

Some days were better than others, but all days were interesting,

Caroline and I made a new friend at the elephant sanctuary in Phuket. I’m the one in the blue shirt.

I’d be lying if I said every day was a physical therapy success while I was on vacation. In fact there were a few days where I did very little PT, but Caroline did not disappoint by putting me through the paces. That included everything from mountain hikes to see the natural wonders of Thailand, a day-long trek through The Golden Triangle (the conjunction of Myanmar, Laos, and Thailand), an elephant sanctuary, and an oddly-named tourist destination known as “monkey mountain.“

According to my iPhone, we walked over 200,000 steps during our vacation (in excess of 10,000 steps a day).

Time spent in the pool started off as a chance to relax and cool down after a solid day of walking and eventually led to swimming laps and giving my shoulder a really good workout. On Day One, I was barely able to get my arm over my head and swim a full stroke, but by the end of the vacation, my shoulder strength had improved to the point of being able to do labs of both breaststroke and front crawl.

I was pretty pleased with myself, but I knew I still had a long way to go to get back to full use of my arm and shoulder.

The voyage home and getting back on the trail.

The trip back was grueling. Our original return flight (through London) was cancelled and we had to re-route through Doha, Qatar. The trip back took nearly 36 hours straight and my first PT appointment was scheduled for the next morning at 6:15 am.

Or so I thought.

When I arrived at the clinic for my appointment, I checked my text messages to see a note from Kathryn sent the night before informing me that she was under the weather had to cancel our appointment. I wasn’t really inconvenienced since I was still jet lagged and my body clock thought it was about one in the afternoon.

To be honest, I’m not sure how productive I would have been at that first appointment, anyway.

In fact, by the end of the week, I was the one who was sick (from exhaustion and too much airport time, I suppose), and had to cancel my physical therapy appointment.  I finally made it back to the Northwest Davenport Clinic and climbed back into the PT routine the following week.

That week I also had an appointment with a new doctor at ORA Orthopedics, Dr. Andrew Bries, who took a closer look at my shoulder’s mobility and gave me a diagnosis I was not expecting.

But that’s a story for another blog.

I hope you’ll stay with me on this trail to recovery as we go to new places and on new adventures.

… in the shoulder. What I mean to say is that sometimes physical therapy can be a little painful.

Before I get into too much trouble, let me explain.

My trail back runs through the gym.

The scapula (also called the “shoulder blade”) is paper-thin and can break. But shattering it is fairly rare.

I knew that at some point, I would have to start exercising my shoulder if I wanted to recover fully. The way it was explained to me, I’d need to give my body time to heal first. Then, I would have to strengthen my shoulder and get as much motion and flexibility back into the joint as possible. Once that was accomplished, my orthopedic surgeon would take a closer look at the remaining damage resulting from my accident.

Getting better can be tough work.

My fall last October shattered my scapula. And even though that paper-thin bone would eventually grow back together, I needed to keep working on the joint to ensure I regained most of my arm’s motion.

Of course, that has meant lots of exercising and stretching. Three days a week, I’m at ORA’s clinic in Northwest Davenport, doing my best to push weight around, stretch elastic bands, bounce balls off walls, and a host of other exercises meant to test, tweak, and build up the muscles in my right shoulder as they attempt to resume the job they were performing before they were so rudely interrupted.

As rehabilitation gyms go, the facilities on Northwest Boulevard seem to be well-supplied and maintained, with a variety of machines and equipment. To the untrained eye, like mine, it looks like your regular hotel gym with just one or two pieces of the same equipment and plenty of television monitors. But on closer inspection, you find every piece of equipment – from brightly-colored stretchy band to steel-grey treadmill – has a specific purpose.

Getting back to life takes perseverance (and a little perspiration).

Therapists use these tools of their trade to help patients regain strength and flexibility. The focus is not on building beach bodies but rather on making it possible for people to move again and get back to the things that matter most in their lives.

Achieving that means you have to rediscover muscles that may have lost their tone while immobilized in a cast or sling. Sometimes it means re-learning basic motions and physical tasks – like putting on a winter jacket – that accommodates your limited mobility or weakened condition.

I often see folks working on re-gaining their balance, teaching their body how to stabilize itself again. It can be hard work and failure is a common occurrence. Most folks might get discouraged and give up, resigning themselves to a “new normal” of limited mobility, pain, and frustration.

But these patients are not doing this alone.

Physical therapists are there by their side, doing what they do best: coaching, collecting, and encouraging.

And in my case, gratefully inflicting a little bit of pain.

Yes, there is such a thing as “good” pain.

Yes, a little bit of pain can be a good thing.

If you think about it, pain serves a purpose. It’s how your body tells your brain that something is wrong and that it needs to find some relief. Pain, and your body‘s reaction to it, are some of the useful signals a therapist uses to evaluate the progress of your rehabilitation.

Kathryn Ellsworth, ORA Physical Therapy

When I asked my therapist, ORA Orthopedics’ PT, Kathryn Ellsworth, about my pain signals, and how she used them in my therapy, she explained it this way:

“I monitor both non-verbal and verbal reports of pain and adjust my therapy accordingly. I know that what we do is going to produce some discomfort because we’re trying to address the damage to the joint and surrounding soft tissue. But I’m careful because causing too much pain can be counter-productive and could be hard to relieve.”

So … it could be worse. I guess I should stop complaining about being so sore all the time.

“Some people confuse the two. There is actually a big difference between soreness resulting from muscle fatigue after a rehab session and pain caused by some kind of trauma a person has suffered – like falling ten feet onto a cement stone.”
Okay, I kind of deserved that.

My therapist can read me like a book … and it’s probably Dr. Seuss.

So, apparently, my reactions to the aches and pains I suffer through during my therapy (usually consisting of grimaces and bad Dad-jokes) are just part of what Kathryn takes into consideration as she’s guiding my recovery. She observes how these verbal and nonverbal cues compare to what she’s feeling inside my shoulder as she works it through a series of motions.

As the shoulder begins to resist the pressure to move, Kathryn looks to see if I’m expressing some level of pain. And I usually am. An eye roll might mean one thing. A wince or a muffled scream might mean something else.

Actually, I rarely scream during physical therapy because 6:15 am is far too early in the morning for that kind of behavior – and I’ve only had one cup of coffee, so I’m only half awake.

In reality, the pain isn’t usually too severe. Kathryn will push or pull on my arm and my shoulder will sometimes tweak or twinge. It can be a sudden snapping sensation, like someone shooting my shoulder with a rubber band. If not that, I’ll experience a dull, throbbing sensation – like when my arm feels it isn’t fully back in the shoulder socket – which it isn’t.

Kathryn compares her knowledge of physiology with my description of how things feel and creates a new data point to track my recovery.

My trail back will be a long one. And I knew that at times it would be painful as well. But it’s good to know all the pain serves a purpose.

The trail doesn’t  end in pain … at least it doesn’t have to.

It’s also good to know that there are ways to deal with the pain that goes beyond taking a dose of “Vitamin I“ (that’s how ORA PA, John Tyron, referred to ibuprofen during my last visit).

But that’s a story for another day. I hope you’ll stay with me on this trail as we go down it together.

From time to time, I get questions from folks who want to know what the title of my blog actually means. After all, on the face of it, “The Trail Back” is kind of a generic, feel-good title for a blog about physical recovery. I get that.

But for me, it means so much more.

Camping is my sport.

A loon looks right at the camera from his spot on one of the hundreds of lakes you’ll find in the Quetico Provincial Park (Ontario, Canada).

At my age, some people are golfers while others play tennis (or, more recently, pickleball). For those of us reaching retirement age – not something I readily admit – those seem to be sports of preference for most.

There are the occasional bikers and hikers. And for those of us who don’t like to admit we’re aging, you’ll even find the occasional boomer seriously working out in the gym.

That’s never been my style. And, quite frankly, I’m so bad at regular “sports” that I’ve never defined myself by any of them.

But I do enjoy camping and canoeing. Backpacking is fun, too. But the thing that separates me from many folks who enjoy going for a hike down a trail or a paddle down a river with a bunch of friends, is that I really enjoy the solitude and the beauty of those places hard-core campers refer to as “the Back Country.”

And you won’t find a more beautifully perfect spot than the Quetico Provincial Park in Ontario.

I have a history with the Quetico

Located adjacent to The Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in Northern Minnesota, you’ll find a park consisting of nearly 5,000 square kilometers (over 1,800 square miles) of wilderness accessible only by paddle. The park is over 100 years old but its history stretches back much further.

Ancient Native American people lived in the region nearly 10,000 years ago (you can still see some of the rock art on Lake Agnes which depicts Indians in canoes from that period).

Not all of the portages in the Quetico end with a little wooden walkway into the lake – but when they do, you take it.

But my fascination with this place extends beyond the natural history and Native American history of the region. This is a place I’ve been before – as an adult and as a teenager. I’ve come with friends and fellow Scouters. These adventures are among my most cherished memories.

My first trip to The Quetico was with my dad, Tim. My last trip to the park was with my son. His namesake.

All of the trips have been memorable – and for all the right reasons.

Whether it was the shower we took in a waterfall or the bear we found in our campsite when we returned, I’m not sure. But that first trip to the Quetico was filled with adventure, laughs and memories.

Those memories flooded back to me on my most recent trip (with my son, Tim), when I was sitting on a rock one morning, listening to the loons sing as the haze burned off the lake and I realized we had stumbled across the same campsite I’d visited with my dad nearly thirty years before.

There’s a rhythm to it all. And your heart just kind of syncs up with it.

I feel whole and connected when I’m there. And I have to go back.

I will go back.

At least, that’s the plan. I’m not even sure where it came from, to be honest.

I remember laying in my bed the day after my accident. The trauma doctor and anesthesiologist were discussing my upcoming surgery. I was listening as best I could, given the pain killers. And then the orthopedic member of the trauma team,  Dr. Myles Luszczyk mentioned something to the effect that after the surgery and healing process, we’d start working on rehabilitating my arm so I could get back to doing what I loved to do.

What was that “thing” I loved to do? Before I could think about it, I said I needed to be able to paddle and pick up a canoe because I was going back to The Quetico.

Once the doctors left, my wife said that my plans for a back country canoe trip were news to her. To be honest, they were news to me, too.

But after thinking about it some more, I thought they sounded like a grand plan and a great goal.

I’m glad you’re able to come along on this adventure with me.

The evening of October 23, 2022, I landed in a room on the sixth floor of Genesis East (by way of the Emergency Department) as a result of my fall. I had broken a bunch of ribs (four, as it turns out), punctured my lung, and shattered my scapula.

I was pretty banged up.

This limestone edging at the base of the fence served as the landing “spot” for my fall.

Between the painkillers and attention of the caregivers on the floor, I was managing to get by. Other than a close call when the first responders were extricating me from the briar patch of brambles and burrs I’d crashed through on my way to colliding with a big, block of limestone that served as my landing pad, I hadn’t lost consciousness. I’d tried to remain alert, responsive and helpful – no word as to whether or not that was actually the case.

A mind too busy to think about the pain

Now in my room after what seemed like an eternity in the ER (in fact, I think it was only a couple of hours), I needed something to occupy my mind and keep from lingering on the damage I had done and expected pain to come. A mindless diversion was desperately needed because I wasn’t really in the mood (or condition) to be thinking too deeply about my situation.

Fortunately, my night nurse, Brenda, came to the rescue. The first of many times that night.

She tried to walk me through the room’s entertainment system. You know the drill: “If you want it louder, you push this button. If you want to change channels, you push this button. If you want to watch medical videos, you push these buttons. Don’t forget to take the survey by pushing these buttons …”

You get the idea.

It was “one remote to control them all.” which sounded vaguely familiar, but I’d lost interest (and attention) after Brenda showed me how to punch up the on-demand movies. I just needed something to watch.

That’s entertainment?

Brenda left me to my own devices … or, rather, device … and I started punching buttons. I really should have taken notes, but I couldn’t use my arm, so I had to rely on my memory which, to be honest, isn’t even that great if I’m NOT on painkillers.

The more buttons I punched, the farther down the electronic rabbit hole I fell. It seemed like I’d found the dark corner of the Genesis movie library where there were literally hundreds of movies and TV programs available on-demand and, I was sure, they’d all been edited for content. The whole situation reminded me of being stuck on an overnight, intercontinental flight – only with more legroom.

I was pretty sure these movies would be as numb as I was. So, I picked something to watch that I figured wouldn’t be too hard to follow. I selected THE ETERNALS from Marvel Studios and settled in. Ready to be entertained.

I managed to get through the studio graphic at the start of the movie and then woke up about twenty minutes later. Honestly, I don’t even remember the opening sequence of the film.

Kit Harrington (left) plays Dane Whitman (aka The Black Knight) in THE ETERNALS from Marvel Studios.

In fact, all I really remember is that when I woke up, Jon Snow from Game of Thrones (actor Kit Harrington)  was nearly run over by a bus. Then I remembered that the actor had been cast in THE ETERNALS movie (as the Black Knight) and judging by the level action, it looked like I’d missed about a third of the film.

I re-started the movie and settled in to watch again.

When I woke up again, Jon Snow was once again getting run down by the bus, but it was magically turned into flowers, and …. wait. What was going on here?

At that time, Brenda reappeared in my room, bringing me some chocolate pudding and warm Sprite. Apparently, I had arrived in my room too late to order dinner (and I wasn’t all that hungry, anyway). More importantly, Brenda freshened up the painkillers and I started ETERNALS over for a third time.

I don’t remember waking up and turning off the movie – but the room was dark and it was hard to move without my ribs protesting when I returned to consciousness. Brenda returned once again – this time with more warm blankets and new pain meds. I managed to get through the rest of the night in 1-1/2 to 2-hour fits of sleep.

This was going to get old fast.

The challenge

My first full day in the hospital was not, as I had expected, my first day of recovery. My trauma team stopped by my room in the morning and I was told my surgery would be scheduled for the following day (due to a variety of chronic health issues). I would have to rest as well as possible in advance of a procedure planned to reassemble four broken ribs, check my lung for any other damage, and insert a drain to help take away the fluids accumulating inside my body from the trauma and medical procedures.

The ribs would take time to heal and my lung would require breathing therapy. But my shoulder … well, that was a mixed bag. Dr. Myles Luszczyk, from ORA Orthopedics explained that although it didn’t appear I’d broken my collar bone or injured my spine, my scapula had shattered. And that would take some time to heal and rehabilitate.

I would regain some use of my arm and shoulder. How much, we weren’t sure. I got the distinct impression I wouldn’t be doing pull-ups anytime soon – which was good since I’ve never been able to do a pull-up, anyway. But I did mention that I really enjoyed camping and canoeing. Would it be possible to get my shoulder back into good enough shape I could paddle a canoe and carry it over a portage?

“Possibly.” Dr. Myles said. “But it will take a lot of time and therapy to get there.”

That sounded like a challenge to me. And I had no alternative but to accept it.

Changing my attitude by changing the channel

A little while later, my wife, Caroline, came up to my room to visit. I was restless and in pain – and she was patient with me. We talked about the surgery and the prognosis for recovery. None of it was unexpected, but it sounded like a lot of hard work.

Seeing I was down, Caroline asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I told her I’d been trying to watch THE ETERNALS the night before, but that I kept falling asleep. I offered to watch it with her from the beginning since I didn’t really remember much, if any, of it. She laughed and said she watched it on a trip a few months ago and found it a bit boring and convoluted – and that was without the benefit of painkillers.

She said I definitely had the better viewing experience.

So we decided to watch something else. That’s when I stumbled across IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD – a film based on the story of the relationship between an investigative reporter for Esquire Magazine and children’s’ television show host, Fred Rogers.

Caroline and I watched the film – without interruption – in my hospital room. It was a beautiful film. Not for its acting performances (which were fine) or cinematography or dialog. But because it successfully conveyed a radically subversive idea baked into every episode of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood: If you treat everyone with compassion and kindness, you can make the world a better place.

But to call the acting performances “fine” doesn’t really do justice to Tom Hank’s performance. To me, the outstanding thing about Tom Hank’s in the Mr. Rogers role is how he took Fred Rogers’ subversive message and brought it into every interview, news article and appearance made to promote the film. Whether it’s explaining the visceral connection he felt to Fred Rogers’ mission and message in this article in Vanity Fair or sharing the fact that he and Fred Rogers shared a common ancestor once the film hat been released (like he did in this NPR interview with Scott Simon), Tom Hanks showed that living into Mr. Rogers’ mission was not a job only Mr. Rogers could do.

Tom Hanks shared a little bit of his Mr. Rogers wisdom on the Graham Norton Show – but the real meat of what he learned about Fred Rogers’ approach to kindness is summed up at the very end of this bit.

And that all comes out in the film.

I stewed in that – after wiping away the tears of nostalgia and emotions which were, undoubtedly, dialed up a bit thanks to the pain meds. But at that point in my life – the day after a fall that nearly killed me – I decided I could be much more kind in the way I treated and interacted with people.

Here’s the crazy thing (or not so crazy thing) … it works.

Taking kindness to the next level

I started trying to be intentionally kind to folks in the hospital and the response was noteworthy. Whether it was showing a little more interest in the day-to-day activities so often taken for granted or being careful to thank every person who came into my room to spend some time, I tried to make sure folks knew how much I appreciated and valued what they did.

Would you accept a compliment from this man? (Waiting for my date in the OR the day after my fall.)

A little positive reinforcement can go a long way. Unbridled kindness can work wonders.

Whether it was the nurses, techs and interns who provided daily care or the cleaning crew, I found that the more I sincerely shared my appreciation for the work they did and the time they spent taking care of me, the more smiles and help I received. I wasn’t doing this to get “more” attention or service – but people like helping people who like them. It’s a symbiotic thing.

And that’s when I realized, I was getting as much joy and satisfaction out of sharing that kindness with others as they were receiving my thanks and gratitude.

I’ve already written about how important it is to have a positive attitude as you heal and recover from trauma. Unbridled kindness and a willingness to accept help from the most unusual places may be a key to achieving that.

You know what they say … “attitude is everything.” I’m not exactly sure who says that, but it seems legit to me. But don’t take my word for it, I’ve found honest-to-goodness research that backs up the claim.

An attitude of gratitude

Research conducted in 1999 suggested that a positive mental attitude (and traits associated with that outlook) were related to a shorter rehabilitation. According to researchers, those people with a positive attitude going into rehab healed faster and were less anxious about re-aggravating their injury once they returned to their everyday life.

From my personal experience, I can tell you that coming at my recovery from a positive point-of-view has helped me make lemonade out of some very real lemons. I’ve reconnected with people I haven’t seen or heard from in years. I’ve made some new friends along the way, too.

But most of all, I’ve developed a real sense of what’s important.

This realignment of personal priorities is, I suppose, not atypical for people who suffer some kind of major trauma. Physical limitations and constant pain are two reminders of your injury that never go away – so staying focused on the future and positive about the present is essential to your recovery.

Setbacks are normal. That’s why attitude matters.

Time for PT! I’m an early-riser, so a 6:15 appointment is no problem. Well, not without a cup of coffee on a cold winter’s morning.

Focusing on the positive things in your life over the trauma you’ve just experienced makes you realize your life isn’t just one big disaster. Those positive things can pull you out of that feeling of isolation and makes it easier for you to make good choices when it comes to your healthful recovery.

It’s easy for those recovering from significant injuries to feel like their lives are over. The grind of therapy mixed with daily experiences of improvements and setbacks can make you feel like your life has changed forever and you’ll never be healed again.

But those feelings are often the result of our own ignorance about how our bodies heal and how long the recovery process actually takes. This is where having a supportive family, uplifting friends, and wise caregivers can really make a difference.

“A positive attitude definitely helps keep my patients headed in the right direction,” says Kathryn Ellsworth, PT, DPT, OCS (and who also happens to be my therapist). “I’ve seen a lot of situations where the motivation to do something – a big goal beyond the home exercise program we might develop for a patient as part of their therapy – helps keeps them motivated and focused. And that means progress in the long-run.”

Every day isn’t going to be sunshine and rainbows.

Kathryn Ellsworth, ORA Physical Therapy

If anything, Katherine is a realist. As important as an “attitude of gratitude” is to getting healthy, she’s seen me when I’ve been in pain (and been the cause of it a time or two, to be honest), and she has a bit of wisdom to share with patients when they’re experiencing a setback or feel down.

“It’s easy to get discouraged,” explains Kathryn. “In therapy, we often take two steps forward and then one step back, but we can’t let that stand in the way of long-term progress.”

“I usually break big, aspirational goals a patient brings to therapy down into smaller, achievable goals. We try to achieve something every week, because that helps keep people motivated to get better and get back to the things they love about their lives. But you can’t get there right away. It takes time.”

The healing process takes time and a little help from others.

Maybe the biggest perspective shift an injured person needs to make is coming to terms with just how long their “recovery” is going to take. Body parts that have been severely injured can take 9-12 months (or longer) to recover. And even after recovery, you may not ever be “as good as new.”

The body’s ability to heal is nothing short of remarkable. Bones, soft tissues, and nerves can repair themselves in a matter of weeks or months (sometimes with a little surgical assistance). But that healing process takes its own toll.

Allowing your body the time to heal often means you have to also limit movement and restrict mobility so it can repair itself.

Kathryn doesn’t always buy it when I try to share a little of that “motivation” that keeps bringing me back to PT.

Once you’re out of the cast, boot, or sling, you begin the long process of recovery and rehabilitation. This is where your outlook, desire, and the experience of the team you have assembled around you to help makes a huge difference. And while the work your therapist focuses on the part of your body that’s broken, the work that needs to be done between your ears is up to you.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it comes from a friend, a faith leader, a mental health professional, or your family, you don’t have to go through it alone. It’s work. Sometimes harder than the bands or balls or machines your PT will put you on as you try to rebuild what’s been broken.

But you can do it. You just need to remember you can’t do it alone, and sometimes you’ll find help from the most unexpected places.

More on that later.

Accidents and the process of recovery from them are both loaded with trauma. I think that’s pretty obvious.

So how does a person navigate the Byzantine corridors of institutional health care and come out the other side in good shape – both physically and mentally? I think the key is finding the right team members and working to make sure they understand just whose team their on.

Building a good team just got a lot easier

My experience at Genesis East had been tremendous. The care was good. The caution was good. Even the food was good.

But I was still concerned with how things might go once I left the 24/7 watchful gaze of the various nurses, techs, doctors and other caregivers who had been such an important part of my life over the preceding eight days. I met with my general practitioner to fill him in on my eventful week and promised to keep him in the loop. I also followed up with my trauma surgeon who had put the plates in my back and screwed my ribs together.

I had questions about medications and Caroline managed to get a hospital bed delivered to our house so I didn’t have to trundle up and down flights of stairs the first few weeks of my recovery at home. She had also coordinated all of the medicines (painkillers mostly, I think) with our regular pharmacist to make sure I had everything I needed to get off to a good start.

But the questions I had – and the concerns that went along with them – related to that “shattered” scapula and just how we were planning on putting Humpty Dumpty (me) back together again.

Dr. Myles Luszczyk, ORA Orthopedics

For that solution, I was relying on ORA surgeon, Dr. Myles Luszczyk. He had introduced himself to me on the second day I was in the hospital.

As I explained during that introduction, we had met a few times before – I’ve worked with ORA for years and art directed photo sessions with Dr. Myles (as he prefers to be called) on a few occasions. I knew he was the right guy for this job and so I was looking forward to meeting with him a week or so after my discharge.

John Tyron, ORA Orthopedics

When I went to ORA for the consultation with the doctor, I was introduced to his Physician’s Assistant, John Tyron. The meeting went well and John recommended a few movements I could do at home before my first physical therapy appointment with an ORA therapist. The physician, PA and physical therapist would work together on creating and managing my recovery.

Sounded good (and easy) in practice. But how would things turn out for real?

The first day of the rest of my life

Kathryn Ellsworth, ORA Physical Therapy

When I met Kathryn Ellsworth, the head Physical Therapist at ORA’s location on Northwest Blvd in Davenport, I was curious about whether or not the realities of having all of these services under one roof really met the expectations I had as a patient. What I found surprised even me.

Kathryn had read my file prior to my arrival. As part of her preparation, she had reviewed my x-rays (taken during my visit at ORA) as well as the notes made by both Dr. Myles and John. She also did her own evaluation of my range of motion, muscle strength and over-all soreness (healing progression).

That first session was more of a “get-to-know-you” session, with Kathryn battering me with questions as she developed a better understanding of my injury and the state of my recovery. She also evaluated my attitude and outlook – and as a part of that conversation, we talked about my goals for recovery.

Some people want to be able to play their favorite sport and get back to doing the things they did before their injury. There was more to it than that for me. I had survived a fall that, by all accounts, could have killed me.

So I wanted the reward of recovery to be worth all the pain that would come with it. For me, there was one place that was so special; I’ve always told myself I had to see it one more time before I checked out for good.

I want to go back to the Quetico/Boundary Waters. Northern Minnesota and Ontario are special places to me – full of memories of friends and my dad. I have a long way to go before I’m in shape to canoe, portage, and pack my way through the wilderness for two weeks.

But that’s the goal. That’s my journey.

I took this photo in early November after my very first visit with my ORA PT, Katherine Ellsworth.

So where does it go from here?

I am determined to get better, day-by-day. I’m not looking for major breakthroughs. I just keep looking for one little thing that goes better today than it did yesterday or last week.

Kathryn encourages that approach. But she keeps piling on the exercises and the stretches. And we keep laughing.

It’s just another step on the trail back.

It’s been just over three months since I almost accidentally killed myself.

No. Really.

This is a close-up of the leg on my stepladder that collapsed, resulting in my fall.

On Sunday, October 23, 2022, I was working on dismantling an old, chainlink fence on our property when my accident occurred. I was on a ladder, disassembling the fence with a Saws-All and bolt cutters. Because I was using power tools, I decided to wear a safety helmet with ear and eye protection (little did I know how important that would be).

The ladder I grabbed for this job was a light-weight, aluminum stepladder – just one of several we have around the house and property. This one was the most convenient to my location and I didn’t think twice about using it. That was a definite mistake.

I’m a big (too big) guy. And there’s no doubt in my mind that even though I wasn’t standing on the top step of the ladder, my weight was more than the ladder was built to handle – safely – and I paid a pretty severe consequence because of that.

None of that crossed my mind, of course, as I was eight to ten feet up in the air, wrestling with the metal tube the served as the top of the fence. That’s when I felt something shift underneath me.

One of the legs of the stepladder I was standing on collapsed. And in an instant, I was on the ground. Or, to be more precise, on one of the large stones located at the base of the now-collapsed fence.

It wasn’t the fall that hurt. It was the landing.

This limestone block serves as the base of the chainlink fence I was dismantling. This is where I landed when I fell in October of 2022.

I came down on my back – or, to be more precise, on my right scapula. I landed squarely on the stone and heard a crunching sound that sounded more like someone stepping on a bag of chips than of bones breaking. Who knew that’s what breaking ribs sounded like?

Fortunately, I didn’t lose consciousness when I hit the ground. I was lying in a tangle of wild rose bushes, brambles, burrs, sticks and pieces of chainlink fence – hoping the worst I had done was knock the wind out of myself. I tried to breath in and knew immediately I was worse off than that. The stabbing pain in my chest and back told me the ribs weren’t just bruised (I’ve felt that before and this was way worse than that).

Little did I know, I’d also shattered my right scapula and punctured my lung. Looking back on it now, the punctured lung explains why I was having such a hard time taking in a good breath. And the broken ribs were just giving me a preview of how much pain and misery they could cause for months to come.

I needed help.

Who ya’ gonna call?

Once I realized there was no way I was going to get back on my feet and shake things off, I decided to call out for some help. My wife, Caroline, was working on a project on the other side of the house and our oldest son, Christian, was inside. I gave out a yelp and then a yell.

Would anyone hear me? I wasn’t sure how long I could go or just how loud I could be given I wasn’t able to take in much of a breath.

Fortunately, I heard the power tool Caroline was using suddenly stop. She yelled something back to me, but to be honest, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Panic was starting to set in and I kept trying to reassure myself that things would work out. I yelled, as loud as I could, that I’d fallen and that someone needed to come and help me.

Caroline, very wisely, called Christian and told him I was in trouble.

Chris, our oldest child, has always been a bit impetuous. Always willing to jump into things if he feels it’s the right thing to do, it’s a personality trait that served him well in the 82nd Airborn (where he loved jumping out of perfectly good airplanes) and not-so-well at other times. In this case, however, his approach to life – and his training as an EMT prior to his military service – served me well.

The twisted and broken stepladder, post-fall.

He ran out of our house and made his way to where I had been working. He dug through the brambles, tossing the broken ladder aside and helping to clear the brush around me to check things out. All the while, he was on the phone with 911, getting volunteers from the Riverdale Volunteer Fire Department and EMTs from Medic mobilized to cart me off to a nearby emergency room.

You gotta love it when a plan comes together

As many of you know, I served my city of Riverdale as its mayor for four years. It was fun and I learned a lot. I had the good fortune of getting to know our local, volunteer fire department and a number of other professionals and volunteers from throughout the county who work on emergency situations involving public safety, public health, disasters, etc.  I count the folks at MEDIC/EMS among them.

When my personal disaster hit, the EMTs who arrived (within minutes) of Christian’s call worked flawlessly with our local first responders. Despite having to drive up and down a driveway that more closely resembles the lunar surface than it does an actual driveway, they still had my IV in and were working on helping me achieve some level of comfort by the time the ambulance rolled out of my driveway and onto State Street.

We were at the hospital in a matter of minutes – despite my request we take a side trip through the Whitey’s drive-through. More importantly, the emergency room staff at Genesis East were attentive and efficient. From my perspective at least, everything worked the way it was supposed to – from first response to emergency care.

I shared this experience with my friends on social media once I’d finally made it out of the Emergency Department at Genesis East and into my room on the 5th floor of the hospital, surviving an evening and overnight stay on heavy medications and the watchful eye of a one-of-a-kind night nurse (more on that later). As I posted to Facebook …

Well, yesterday was quite the adventure.

I was working in the yard and had a stepladder collapse under me while I was taking apart the chain link fence around the tennis court. I fell about 6-7 feet and landed on my back, right shoulder and head on the concrete curb surrounding the court.

I was wearing a helmet, so no concussion, but I broke 4-5 ribs, my right scapula, and punctured my right lung. I spent the night in the hospital and may need surgery. I meet with the doctor later this morning.

I’m sore and can only breath in short breathes, but I’ll be okay.

Special thanks to Christian (first on the scene and made the call to 911), the Riverdale Volunterer Fire Department, George Miller, Dale Hupp, Randy and Bruce Bowers, the EMTs from Medic, and the staff at Genesis East for scraping me off the pavement and starting the process of putting me back together again. (I’m sure there were others at the scene, but those were the only ones I can recall).

More later.

More to come, indeed.