Some automotive breakthroughs in design and technology move society forward – sometimes at break-neck speed. But other times, the “next big thing” turns out to be little more than a passing fad or embarrassingly bad idea. This fun little article on Hagerty and this one on Hot Cars provide a look back that I’ve decided to share and comment on here.

Low-tech luxury rides

Chrysler’s Cordoba – the brand sophistication hawked by Ricardo Montalban (at the height of his powers as Mr. Raurk from FANTASY ISLAND) could be summed up in one phrase: “Fine Corinthian Leather.”

As a Star Trek fan, I find it hard to believe Khan Noonian Singh would have picked a Chrysler over a more sci-fi looking vehicle like, say, an AMC Pacer. But there you have it.

CB radios, good buddy

The CB radio made Hagerty’s list with strong recommendations from readers. I get it. In the 70s, CBs were an amazing, empowering tool that made it possible for us mere mortals to have a form of mobile (or semi-mobile) communications. Cutlurally, CB/Trucker culture came into its own on TV, in theaters and on the radio.

I can see clearly … this was a bad idea.

Headlight wipers

To be honest, I never understood this one. Automakers claimed the mini-wiper blades would clean your headlights at the touch of a button. But was that really a significant problem?

Wing windows

Maybe the most annoyingly useless feature on most cars of the 20th century was the inclusion of the small, triangle-shaped windows adjacent to the passenger and driver’s side front doors. These are hold-overs from the days before air conditioning and served to ventilate the interior cabin of the vehicle.

Though useless after about 1965, the wing windows found a new purpose in their lives when post-Boomer Generation children started opening the windows only when the vehicle was moving at high speed in order to create a vortex inside the cabin that whipped dirt, loose paper and other debris around the inside and usually launched a parent or two in the process.

LOL. Those were the days.

On a somewhat related note, cigarette lighters and ashtrays have continued to become less and less of a feature in cars (as smoking trendlines continue to slowly decline). Maybe they will someday go the way of the wing window.

Automatic seat belts

Or as my wife and I call them, automatic choking devices.

Sure, automakers were doing their best to make a driver’s life easier – and with the advent of mandatory seat belt laws in the late 80s, we were bound to see something hit the market in the 90s. It did. And people quickly learned it was better to put on your own seat belt than to have the car try and do it for you.

Dash-mounted coffee maker

In the days before Starbucks … heck, in the days before drive-thru … Volkswagen came out with a dash-mounted coffee maker. That trend quickly went away (probably with the invention of the styrofoam cup) but has recently made a comeback of sorts. Italian automaker FIAT now offers an integrated expresso machine in your dash.

You’re on your own for a barista.

When you’ve gotta go when you’re on the go.

The back seat toilet

Although this feature was never integrated into the mass market, Rolls Royce did produce a vehicle in the mid-50s with an operable toilet in the back seat. I suppose for people who spend a lot of time in the car or have an over-active sense of dread when forced to use a bathroom at a C-Store or truck stop, this makes sense.

This wasn’t the first vehicle to have this feature, however. In the late 1940s, Cadillac introduced a car with the same feature that it claimed would allow people to drive for thousands of miles without stopping. Remember, this was at a time where people didn’t pump their own gas, so it’s entirely believable that someone might try to drive across the country and never get out of his car.

Still, I enjoy all of the goofy stuff at a truck stop too much not to let my curiosity get the better of me and turn a “pit stop” into an adventure.

But that’s a post for another day.