How Tom Hanks and Mr. Rogers saved my life.

The evening of October 23, 2022, I landed in a room on the sixth floor of Genesis East (by way of the Emergency Department) as a result of my fall. I had broken a bunch of ribs (four, as it turns out), punctured my lung, and shattered my scapula.

I was pretty banged up.

This limestone edging at the base of the fence served as the landing “spot” for my fall.

Between the painkillers and attention of the caregivers on the floor, I was managing to get by. Other than a close call when the first responders were extricating me from the briar patch of brambles and burrs I’d crashed through on my way to colliding with a big, block of limestone that served as my landing pad, I hadn’t lost consciousness. I’d tried to remain alert, responsive and helpful – no word as to whether or not that was actually the case.

A mind too busy to think about the pain

Now in my room after what seemed like an eternity in the ER (in fact, I think it was only a couple of hours), I needed something to occupy my mind and keep from lingering on the damage I had done and expected pain to come. A mindless diversion was desperately needed because I wasn’t really in the mood (or condition) to be thinking too deeply about my situation.

Fortunately, my night nurse, Brenda, came to the rescue. The first of many times that night.

She tried to walk me through the room’s entertainment system. You know the drill: “If you want it louder, you push this button. If you want to change channels, you push this button. If you want to watch medical videos, you push these buttons. Don’t forget to take the survey by pushing these buttons …”

You get the idea.

It was “one remote to control them all.” which sounded vaguely familiar, but I’d lost interest (and attention) after Brenda showed me how to punch up the on-demand movies. I just needed something to watch.

That’s entertainment?

Brenda left me to my own devices … or, rather, device … and I started punching buttons. I really should have taken notes, but I couldn’t use my arm, so I had to rely on my memory which, to be honest, isn’t even that great if I’m NOT on painkillers.

The more buttons I punched, the farther down the electronic rabbit hole I fell. It seemed like I’d found the dark corner of the Genesis movie library where there were literally hundreds of movies and TV programs available on-demand and, I was sure, they’d all been edited for content. The whole situation reminded me of being stuck on an overnight, intercontinental flight – only with more legroom.

I was pretty sure these movies would be as numb as I was. So, I picked something to watch that I figured wouldn’t be too hard to follow. I selected THE ETERNALS from Marvel Studios and settled in. Ready to be entertained.

I managed to get through the studio graphic at the start of the movie and then woke up about twenty minutes later. Honestly, I don’t even remember the opening sequence of the film.

Kit Harrington (left) plays Dane Whitman (aka The Black Knight) in THE ETERNALS from Marvel Studios.

In fact, all I really remember is that when I woke up, Jon Snow from Game of Thrones (actor Kit Harrington)  was nearly run over by a bus. Then I remembered that the actor had been cast in THE ETERNALS movie (as the Black Knight) and judging by the level action, it looked like I’d missed about a third of the film.

I re-started the movie and settled in to watch again.

When I woke up again, Jon Snow was once again getting run down by the bus, but it was magically turned into flowers, and …. wait. What was going on here?

At that time, Brenda reappeared in my room, bringing me some chocolate pudding and warm Sprite. Apparently, I had arrived in my room too late to order dinner (and I wasn’t all that hungry, anyway). More importantly, Brenda freshened up the painkillers and I started ETERNALS over for a third time.

I don’t remember waking up and turning off the movie – but the room was dark and it was hard to move without my ribs protesting when I returned to consciousness. Brenda returned once again – this time with more warm blankets and new pain meds. I managed to get through the rest of the night in 1-1/2 to 2-hour fits of sleep.

This was going to get old fast.

The challenge

My first full day in the hospital was not, as I had expected, my first day of recovery. My trauma team stopped by my room in the morning and I was told my surgery would be scheduled for the following day (due to a variety of chronic health issues). I would have to rest as well as possible in advance of a procedure planned to reassemble four broken ribs, check my lung for any other damage, and insert a drain to help take away the fluids accumulating inside my body from the trauma and medical procedures.

The ribs would take time to heal and my lung would require breathing therapy. But my shoulder … well, that was a mixed bag. Dr. Myles Luszczyk, from ORA Orthopedics explained that although it didn’t appear I’d broken my collar bone or injured my spine, my scapula had shattered. And that would take some time to heal and rehabilitate.

I would regain some use of my arm and shoulder. How much, we weren’t sure. I got the distinct impression I wouldn’t be doing pull-ups anytime soon – which was good since I’ve never been able to do a pull-up, anyway. But I did mention that I really enjoyed camping and canoeing. Would it be possible to get my shoulder back into good enough shape I could paddle a canoe and carry it over a portage?

“Possibly.” Dr. Myles said. “But it will take a lot of time and therapy to get there.”

That sounded like a challenge to me. And I had no alternative but to accept it.

Changing my attitude by changing the channel

A little while later, my wife, Caroline, came up to my room to visit. I was restless and in pain – and she was patient with me. We talked about the surgery and the prognosis for recovery. None of it was unexpected, but it sounded like a lot of hard work.

Seeing I was down, Caroline asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I told her I’d been trying to watch THE ETERNALS the night before, but that I kept falling asleep. I offered to watch it with her from the beginning since I didn’t really remember much, if any, of it. She laughed and said she watched it on a trip a few months ago and found it a bit boring and convoluted – and that was without the benefit of painkillers.

She said I definitely had the better viewing experience.

So we decided to watch something else. That’s when I stumbled across IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD – a film based on the story of the relationship between an investigative reporter for Esquire Magazine and children’s’ television show host, Fred Rogers.

Caroline and I watched the film – without interruption – in my hospital room. It was a beautiful film. Not for its acting performances (which were fine) or cinematography or dialog. But because it successfully conveyed a radically subversive idea baked into every episode of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood: If you treat everyone with compassion and kindness, you can make the world a better place.

But to call the acting performances “fine” doesn’t really do justice to Tom Hank’s performance. To me, the outstanding thing about Tom Hank’s in the Mr. Rogers role is how he took Fred Rogers’ subversive message and brought it into every interview, news article and appearance made to promote the film. Whether it’s explaining the visceral connection he felt to Fred Rogers’ mission and message in this article in Vanity Fair or sharing the fact that he and Fred Rogers shared a common ancestor once the film hat been released (like he did in this NPR interview with Scott Simon), Tom Hanks showed that living into Mr. Rogers’ mission was not a job only Mr. Rogers could do.

Tom Hanks shared a little bit of his Mr. Rogers wisdom on the Graham Norton Show – but the real meat of what he learned about Fred Rogers’ approach to kindness is summed up at the very end of this bit.

And that all comes out in the film.

I stewed in that – after wiping away the tears of nostalgia and emotions which were, undoubtedly, dialed up a bit thanks to the pain meds. But at that point in my life – the day after a fall that nearly killed me – I decided I could be much more kind in the way I treated and interacted with people.

Here’s the crazy thing (or not so crazy thing) … it works.

Taking kindness to the next level

I started trying to be intentionally kind to folks in the hospital and the response was noteworthy. Whether it was showing a little more interest in the day-to-day activities so often taken for granted or being careful to thank every person who came into my room to spend some time, I tried to make sure folks knew how much I appreciated and valued what they did.

Would you accept a compliment from this man? (Waiting for my date in the OR the day after my fall.)

A little positive reinforcement can go a long way. Unbridled kindness can work wonders.

Whether it was the nurses, techs and interns who provided daily care or the cleaning crew, I found that the more I sincerely shared my appreciation for the work they did and the time they spent taking care of me, the more smiles and help I received. I wasn’t doing this to get “more” attention or service – but people like helping people who like them. It’s a symbiotic thing.

And that’s when I realized, I was getting as much joy and satisfaction out of sharing that kindness with others as they were receiving my thanks and gratitude.

I’ve already written about how important it is to have a positive attitude as you heal and recover from trauma. Unbridled kindness and a willingness to accept help from the most unusual places may be a key to achieving that.